I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
