We tried having a conversation with our noses.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
