it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
