my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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