i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
