You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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