you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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