i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
