winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
