I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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