My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
