You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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