I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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