matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your tits are I can't wait for
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
