Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
