Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
