Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
