You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
