Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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