Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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