When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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