I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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