I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hippo gnu deer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
