I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
