I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
