We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
