16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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