Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
and you fell through a lawn chair
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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