She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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