I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
