Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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