11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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