Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
