i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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