Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
