omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
