She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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