i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
