I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
