Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
