Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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