It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
