i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize