maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
