i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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