I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
