i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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