Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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