I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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