well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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