The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm at about main and main street
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
third nipple confirmed
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
