And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
