he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
