Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
