She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
