fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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