Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
